What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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