Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
