i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We left the knife in your bed.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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