your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My ATM looks so different sober.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
