The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
