did you get engaged???
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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