I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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