WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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