The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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