We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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