I wish my penis had an off switch
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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