Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
