Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm too high and old for this...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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