i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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