its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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