Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
