You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
sex in a hospital.. check
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
