I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
