my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We have started to decorate penises.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
