I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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