everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
