you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I fill condoms, not promises.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
