when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
