forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
