you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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