i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
