The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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