Do you still have your period?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
