I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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