VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
