...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
