That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
