She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize