i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
