Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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