TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
