Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
