Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
