If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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