The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was confusing and full of hummus
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
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