I faked an abortion last night.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
