who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
