So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
