ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
