Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
