I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
