Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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