Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
