kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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