Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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