Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
