Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize