waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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