Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
