I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
