We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There are leaves in my underwear?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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