New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
