sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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