You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
