is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
