OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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