obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
