worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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