And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
