i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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