..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
