Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
