drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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