so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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