I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
