i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
