watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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