I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
