Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize