Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
