God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
