I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
