He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
