Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
