I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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