he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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