I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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