If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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