i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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